Saturday, September 10, 2005

Blog Filler

Thank you to the best secret pal in the universe.

Thank you to the lady who sent me the lovely crane.

Thanks to the folks who pointed my towards violin lessons, and those who are just plain ol nice.

More posting, more neat stuff later.

For now, to hold your interest:

FACT: You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.


Reasons Spiders are Scarier than Corks:

Even though champagne corks kills hundreds more people every year than poisonous spiders do, people are still more afraid of spiders. The following list covers some of the factors in the lack of cork awareness.

Stealth Factor: Spiders move silently and on their own. Corks make a loud pop noise and must be activated by a human.

Movement Pattern: Spiders will dodge and weave, moving in an unpredictable and therefore frighteningly random pattern. Champagne corks travel in a straight line unless deflected, at which time they follow the standard rules of physics regarding changes of vector and velocity.

Camoflague: Spiders come in many shapes, sizes and colours; champagne corks are standard in size and are only found next to champagne bottles, not next to anything at all.

The Russian Roulette Factor: People may be more careless around spiders because only some of them are poisonous. Thus, in overcompensation, it is safer to treat all spiders as deadly, even though most are not. The steady danger factor with champagne corks adds a sense of security because everyone knows both how to handle them and that all are potentially dangerous.

Legs: Spiders: too many. Champagne corks: none

Scary Movies: In this media driven age, few dangers are left unrepresented. Movies such as Arachnophobia have publicized the dangers of spiders and heightened public awareness. In contrast, the dangerous and lethal champagne cork receives much less press and thus stands in the shadows, waiting to catch the unsuspecting.

Close-ups: Spiders have fangs and drool and, if blown up to human size, would eat us. Champagne corks are dry and, if blown up to human size, would make excellent message boards. Furthermore, while a large spider moves faster and is more dangerous, an extremely large champagne cork has much greater inertia and presents as much threat as a large boulder.

Free will: Champagne corks are aimed, spiders choose their victims. The idea of being targeted by something with free will makes people feel much more persecuted than being struck with something that was aimed. After all, one can understand and thwart and have revenge upon a human who aims a champagne cork, but a spider goes to its death satisfied, and no true revenge is possible.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fact: Spiders hang around on the ceiling where you can totally not see them while they make an evil "drop on your head plan" . Corks? Never on the ceiling. Never.


Stephanie
(Yarn Harlot....arachniphobe)

9:45 PM  
Blogger Maryellen said...

I thin spiders get a bad rap. I try not to kill them only if their in my direct vicinity and seem to be getting in my food. Now roaches I have no sympathy for those critters.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Fraxas said...

***EMERGENCY PHYSICS CORRECTION NOTICE***

Champagne corks don't actually travel in straight lines. They travel on ballistic paths -- it's just that they're usually going so fast their trajectory appears straight.

Still, spiders, yeah, gross.

2:34 PM  
Blogger J. said...

My goodness I should show you the pic of the spider that showed up on the wall of my place in Taipei - as big as my hand I tell you! Cate sent me and said that you might know if there was a knitting group here in our fine city. i just got back from 18 months abroad and am looking for some knitters.

9:21 PM  
Anonymous JoVE said...

On the plus side spiders eat flies and other annoying bugs. It would be really hard to kill a fly with a champagne cork.

11:19 AM  

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